FEEL THE HEAT
Since I love all things HOT-Lanta grown, I don’t think it will come as a surprise that I am a HUGE fan of Ciara (Atlanta R&B artist). So I was absolutely over the moon when she did a duet with another of my favorite artists, Justin Timberlake. Love Sex Magic (click here to see video) has to be on my all time favorite list of sexy music videos. The clip isn’t so much about the sex, as it is sex appeal! It was just one of those videos where you could feel the heat coming off the television screen and you felt sexy just watching (even if you didn’t have Ciara or Justin’s moves). Since I was so moved by this song, it stands to reason that I would name a blog post after it, but not for the reasons that might seem apparent. In my humble opinion, I believe that Love and sex both have their own unique languages. Spoken fluently, they are MAGIC! Keep reading to understand more.
Lately I have been spending a lot of time talking to my friends about Love Languages. A few years ago, my sister introduced me to Gary Chapman‘s book, The 5 Love Languages. It was one of the most eye-opening books I’ve ever read. I became acutely aware of people’s need to be loved in their own unique way. Chapman delivers detailed explanations of each language and what is required for it to thrive. Being armed with this knowledge has allowed me to greatly improve my personal and professional relationships. One might think this kind of knowledge comes naturally with ‘knowing’ your counterpart. But it most certainly does not! I highly recommend that EVERYONE take Chapman’s assessment, not only will it help you understand yourself. It will also make you comfortable sharing who you are with others.
Gary outlines the 5 Love Languages as:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
When I took my assessment I scored highest in Physical Touch. I was not completely surprised because I’ve aways considered myself ’touchy-feely’. But what I was elated about was the clear explanation of the language. It put things into words that I haven’t quite been able to communicate.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
The other Language that I scored high in was Quality Time, that made me wonder why Chapman didn’t have Sex as a Language. One could easily clump it in with Physical Touch, but I believe that the horizontal mambo speaks its own dialect. I’m going out on a limb and I’m going to assume that since Mr. Gary is a Christian counselor he wanted to steer clear of too much emphasis on bedroom activities. But since I like to stir the pot I decided to make it Language #6.
We use sex to express all sorts of emotions. Love, anger, passion, need and the list goes on. In fact Language #6 could have its own subset. Just think about it. We all talk (or hear) about great ‘make up’ sex, isn’t that a ‘conversation’? For me there is nothing quite as titillating as the look of desire on a man’s face, that speaks volumes to me. Yet it does not fall squarely in one of the 5 Language categories. I could go on about this topic for days, but I’m far more interested in what the fans have to say on the matter. So I will await your replies.
My core belief is that love is a lot of work and little bit of magic. Communication is such a big key to carrying healthy relationships. Start with Chapman’s assessment and you will be surprised how much ALL your relationships will improve. We all need a little magic in our lives, and clear understanding of your partner’s dialog is a great place to start.
DISCLAIMER: My recommended 6th Language in NO way discounts Gary Chapman’s original 5. I’m simply proposing an expansion.