In a few months, I will be hitting the big 4-0. I have been warned for years about how I would change once I reached that silver plateau. Finally, I”m starting to FEEL it. Not the body aches and pains (I’m ignoring my aging eyes), but mostly I feel it in my spirit…in my being. I’ve finally come to not only to fully accept myself, but to embrace myself with all my imperfections.
I haven’t made much of a secret about the fact that at one point in my life I did not like… ME! I was so incredibly full of self hate that I was the first to insult myself. I made jokes at my own expense to beat others to the punch. I thought if I appeared at ease with myself then others would be at ease too. But in fact, it only made folks damn uncomfortable. Very few people know this, but my degree is in Theater. I’m an actress by study and trade. So I became very adept at pretending to be ‘just fine’. But ugly insecurities have a way of rearing their head in ways we never imagined. I will have to share that with you on another post.
Any hoo, that was the old me, that spirit of negative self belief has faded and been replaced with, well there is no other way to say it…COURAGE! By stepping fully into my own path and embracing my humanity, I found a great peace. I’ve shed the shackles of expectations and chains of limiting beliefs. A friend of mine refers to the process as ‘shedding’.
The reason I can write this post is because I am totally comfortable standing before you naked. When you can look in the mirror and see your total self, and embrace the image without picking apart the flaws, that my friends is a moment of transcendent bliss. Now imagine being able duplicate that sentiment with your emotions. To stand before the mirrors of life with no fear of judgement for who you are, or what you believe. Imagine being able to step completely into the light of your own greatness and receive a great big ole bear hug for your efforts. Feeling safe enough to show yourself to those whom you love most and bask in the warmth of acceptance.
Here is the nugget, that hug won’t come from outside forces. That comforting embrace comes from the pure satisfaction of knowing who you are, what you are, how you are…and not needing a single soul to approve those feelings. It is the most liberating feeling one can imagine. As I prepare to be the best version of Jai, and continue shedding, I am so elated with my own naked spirit it makes something very clear to me. The mate that chooses me for life MUST show up naked….EMOTIONAL NUDITY {REQUIRED}.
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