NOTE: This post appeared on Essence.com in it’s entirety (different title)
Last week, outspoken celeb Jada Pinkett Smith sparked quite an intense social media dialogue when she posted the following status on her Facebook page:
In the last month, three women, in their 40s, coming out of long term relationships with men have confided in me that they now feel that their last resort for companionship is with a woman. These are women who have never engaged in or even desired to be in intimate relationships with other women. Now these women feel as though they have no other option. It seems as if there is a spike in same sex love all around. What is changing in how men and women are relating to one another, that is creating same sex love as a LAST RESORT for heterosexual women?
I don’t know about you, but I got stuck on the first sentence. “…they now feel that their last resort for companionship is with a woman” Last resort?! Nothing about a same sex lifestyle should come as a last resort.
Over the years, I’ve had multiple conversations with gay friends and have come to understand that their lifestyle choices and sexual orientation are not a last resort; it’s the only way they can live their truth.
“Last resort” implies that you’re not someone’s FIRST choice (or second for that matter). It’s more like the “I’m out of options, so I will take what I can get” choice. When the human spirit is forced into a place where it does not fit, it simply cannot survive. It yearns for release and will eventually demand to be free, and come hell or high water, freedom it will have. Translation: a heterosexual woman who explores a same sex relationship simply out of frustration will eventually return to a heterosexual relationship, because that is what is natural and comfortable to her.
This reminds of me of a story about a woman named Patrice (real story — fake name) who decided to date a woman after a particularly rough time with the men in her life. She met and built a life with Traci (also a fake name) and they seemed happy together. Ten years later, Patrice suddenly left Traci and married one of the men from her past. Traci was left devastated and grappling with the understanding.
A woman who is considering a “last resort” relationship of the same sex variety might need to consider a few other things first. She should look at her choices in men, because she may find that her criteria is lacking. Next up, she should take an internal look and try understanding why she might be attracting the wrong type of dude repeatedly. And, let’s not forget about taking inventory of her character and evaluating her priorities.
Engaging in relationships solely for validation or gratification are acts of selfishness. I think it’s important to live your truth in a way that is not impeded by old wounds and new opportunities. Think about it.
Jai Stone – The Emotional Nudist
Jai Stone is a socialpreneur, author, syndicated blogger and the founder of the Emotional Nudity Lifestyle Brand. Jai writes about love, life and the pursuit of authentic joy. Follow her on Twitter @JaiStone or visit her blog.