Okay perhaps my title was too strong, but I had to get you to read this didn’t I? I have been torn about writing this post for a while and I finally decided to put on my big girl panties and do the dang thang.
PLAYING THE FOOL
I grew up in the 70?s and 80?s when Women’s Liberation was in full affect. We had won the battle for voting and equal pay but for some reason we kept on fighting for other stuff. Eventually the campaign turned to “I don’t need a man” or some variation thereof.
And like many other women, I bought the idea…lock, stock and barrel. I went through my 20?s opening my own doors, paying all my bills and refusing to allow any man in my life to help me. I was fiercely independent and proud of it.
Then there was the ” I don’t need a man to complete me, I need a man to COMPLIMENT me”. Boy was that a hot topic in the 90?s and I wore that badge of honor like a designer dress. For nearly 30 years I played the fool thinking I would eventually find a man that believed the bullshit too.
So somewhere around the age 32 I realized that I had bought into a lie. I had confused the words “need” and “dependent”. More importantly my vocabulary lacked a bigger word “INTER-dependence”.
Get this, the philosophy trained me to believe that I am weak for needing a man to complete me. Well there is something about the concept that doesn’t jive. Uhmm let’s see, its okay to need a fulfilling career but needing a mate is weak. POPPYCOCK!!
That was about 6 years ago and I can honestly say that I am better for my revelation and something in my spirit said that I should share it. Maybe someone else will gain some insight from it.
Where I grew up marriages lasted for 30 or 40 years, literally until death did them part. So tell me what is missing with today’s divorce rates nearing 60%. Well there are many many answers to that, but I suspect Women’s Lib had a part in it.
I think on a very primal level, men need to be needed and here we are telling them we don’t need them at all. When the lion ceases to hunt, he looses the instinct and the desire. His interests become mating and sunbathing (if you don’t believe me look at BET for 10 minutes).
I’m not saying we should go back to being barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen (cause yall know I hate to cook). What I am saying is that it wasn’t ALL wrong before the liberation, so lets find a happy median. The median is called inter-dependence (we need each other).
I think its okay to need a man to complete me. Just as I need friends, a career and a strong connection to my maker.
FOR THE FELLAS
Now that I have given the ladies an ear full, I just want to pass a tidbit to the fellas. Rest assured that we need you. Physically, emotionally, financially and socially to take care of us.
Some of the “I don’t need a man” is programming that derived from being disappointed. Some of us learned that if we don’t depend on you, then you can’t disappoint us.
I feel we are losing the battle to keep you at the head of the household. I’m fighting for that, but I need your help….WE need your help.
And there you have it from Jai Stone, A reformed fool.