Authentic Lifestyle

Sex, Seduction and Safety for the Single Woman

Sex, Seduction and Safety for the Single Woman

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Last week I made my regular run to my neighborhood drug store to pick up some “womanly items,” and I was in a witch-on-a-broom kinda mood as I stood in the rather lengthy line waiting to check out. Then I heard a man’s baritone voice behind me say, “Good afternoon sistah. How are you?” Ugh! I so didn’t want to be bothered at that moment. I turned around super slowly, giving myself time to at least fake a pleasant response. When I did, I cam face-to-face with a boatload of sexolicious so great it caused my heart to literally skip a beat. I swear Eartha Kitt jumped into my head and began purring at the very moment.

Before I realized it, I turned on my sex kitten voice and responded, “I’m amazing, but my day just got a whole lot better.”  At the same time I gave him my “come hither” look. A moment later, I felt the flush of embarrassment in my cheeks. OMG, my hormones had betrayed me in a very obvious way. Mr. Wanna Be Laz Alonzo chuckled and said, “You’re a funny lady!” Little did he know at the time, but I was so freaking serious about what I said.

Gee whiz it sucks to be single sometimes. It has been longer than I want to publicly admit since I last did the horizontal mambo (insert teeth sucking here).  I would love to give you ladies some great story about my spiritual resolve to abstain. But the truth is, I’m not celibate, I’m just single. I also made myself a promise a few years ago not to sleep with a man unless I was convinced that he cared about my well being beyond booty-call hours.

Let’s circle back to my Laz look-alike: That brotha caused me to ask myself what would have happened if our exchange had gone differently. I’m not even looking for a man, but every once in a while you run into that one dude that will test your resolve…Woosah. For the first time in a very long time, I had to ask myself if I was ready for a serving of hot sex on a platter. My first instinct was, heck yeah! (Given the right circumstances, of course.)

It was about that time that my left-brain logic kicked into full speed. Whenever I meet someone new, I understand that there are no guarantees about where things will end up. It’s all about my willingness to take a risk. I know it’s up to me to take care of myself both physically and emotionally. That means protecting my heart and my body.


I suppose my next steps will be to look deep into my heart and determine what type of relationship I’m emotionally ready for and capable of handling. I know you are going to say “don’t over think it, Jai.” I hear you. But, I feel sometimes we don’t think enough about our lust-induced decisions before we wind up knee-deep in heartache. I need to be honest with the next dude about exactly what I’m looking for up front, and hopefully he will be down with it too.

I guess it’s also time to buy me a new freakum dress and bone up on my flirting skills.  Lord knows my game is not as smooth as it used to be. Sigh…

I was sharing my thoughts with a girlfriend who reminded me (in a not so subtle way) that we live in an age where STDs including HIV are a very real threat.  In the past, I’ve always been embarrassed to ask a guy to get tested for HIV. It’s such an awkward but necessary conversation. I asked my friend how she approached the situation.  She shocked me with her response. “I have the guy take the HIV home test right in front of me. We do it together.”

Wait a minute! This was something that I never considered. I wasn’t even sure how it all worked. So what did I do?  I up and went back to the local drug store to purchase an HIV Home Test Kit of my own.  Was it that easy? Could it be a viable option for me? I found the kits for sale in the family planning area of the store (right next to the condoms, FYI).  For less than 40 bucks, I had my results in 20 minutes. It really was that easy, ladies. I was thinking now there is no real reason for you and your partner not to know your HIV status. It’s cheap, simple and private.

I wonder of the Fake Laz has any idea that he has created such a ruckus in my world? I haven’t made any solid decisions yet…but I’m really happy to be in a place where I’m at least thinking about dating and shaking the sheets again – especially knowing that sharing my status with my partner is easier than ever, and more private. Would you consider testing your potential partners right at home? If you want to see what my experience with trying the test at home for the first time was like, step-by-step, watch my video here.

Shout out to @KenLikeBarbie and here is the video that inspired mine.

Jai Stone (Master Brand Coach)
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